Problems of the world could be solved easily this time of year

George Buster Singleton

(For decades, local historian and paranormal investigator George “Buster” Singleton published a weekly newspaper column called “Somewhere in Time.” The column below, which was titled “Problems of world could be solved easily this time of year,” was originally published in the Sept. 4, 1986 edition of The Monroe Journal in Monroeville, Ala.)

According to the world news, it won’t be long before our leaders and those of the Soviet Union will meet once again at the bargaining table and try to discuss world peace. As the leaders of the great nations juggle to and fro, each trying to outsmart the other, the peoples of the world wait anxiously for any small sign that might lead to an uneasy peace.

I don’t profess to be smart, but I think that I could offer a solution that would solve the problems of the world and would bring the leaders together for all times. After a few trips to the back woods of Monroe County, following my instructions, life would never be the same.

By the time the world leaders could assemble here, the time would be just about right to begin the operation that would bring to the world powers a very peaceful solution.

Short pants, pullover shirts

First, I would have them dress in short pants and pullover shirts, with the sleeves cut off at the shoulders. If you’re wondering about these items of wear, I will explain later.

Next we would need to locate some muscadine or bullis vines growing in tall trees. Tall trees are best for this type of operation. A good place to find this type of trees and bullis vines is along Flat or Limestone creek.

After a few miles of walking through the underbrush we would reach the trees where they vines hung heavy with the black, juicy bullises. Time would be given everyone to pull shoes off in preparation for the climb and vine-shaking.

The smaller leaders would be elected by popular vote to scamper up the trees and pick the harder-to-get bullises that couldn’t be shaken loose by the heavier guys, the vine shakers.

As the ripe muscadines fell to the ground, a close watch would have to be made so as not to let the fat boys start eating before the climbers could get down out of the trees and get and even start.

An art to eating

Then at his own choosing, each could put one, two or a dozen of the delicious juicy bullises in his mouth. Then he could chew down and feel the wonderful-tasting nectar drive this taste buds completely mad.

There is an art to eating bullises. One has to acquire the knack of swallowing the juice and being able to separate the hulls and cores at the same time. This might call for a little schooling prior to the departure for the muscadine vines.

After everyone had had his fill of the wonderful, wonderful juice from the bullises, a survey would be made as to the skinned knees and elbows of the tree climbers and as to whether any of the vine shakers had been bumped on the head by a rotten tree limb during the climbing and shaking.

You can tell when you have had enough when you can hear the juice in your stomach slosh as you walk.

The short pants and the cutoff shirts are appreciated when, after all the eating and fellowship, you start back toward your transportation. The cool waters of the nearby creek beckon, and you all lie down in the shallow waters for an hour or so of relaxation, while waiting for the muscadine juice to settle in your stomachs.

Avoiding a mad rush

Then, after a lengthy stay in the waters of the creek, plans to begin to formulate for a muscadine hunt the next day and the next. This is the appropriate time casually to mention about the wild possum grapes or the sweet persimmons that can be found over the next ridge.

This is when care has to be taken not to start a mad rush through the underbrush and have the world leaders forget completely all about the affairs of the nations.

My solution to the affairs of the world is not without loopholes. I’m sure our space program would suffer unless we could start a rumor that there were muscadines, persimmons and wild grapes growing in abundance on the moon.

But there would be no thought of fighting and killing. The only people hurt would be the slower ones who would get trampled when they got in the way of the fast boys on their way to the vines and tall trees in the backwoods of Monroe County.

(Singleton, the author of the 1991 book “Of Foxfire and Phantom Soldiers,” passed away at the age of 79 on July 19, 2007. A longtime resident of Monroeville, he was born to Vincent William Singleton and Frances Cornelia Faile Singleton, during a late-night thunderstorm, on Dec. 14, 1927 in Marengo County, graduated from Sweet Water High School in 1946, served as a U.S. Marine paratrooper in the Korean War, worked as a riverboat deckhand, lived for a time among Apache Indians, was bitten at least twice by venomous snakes, moved to Monroe County on June 28, 1964 and served as the administrator of the Monroeville National Guard unit from June 28, 1964 to Dec. 14, 1987. He was promoted from the enlisted ranks to warrant officer in May 1972. For years, Singleton’s columns, titled “Monroe County history – Did you know?” and “Somewhere in Time” appeared in The Monroe Journal, and he wrote a lengthy series of articles about Monroe County that appeared in Alabama Life magazine. It’s believed that his first column appeared in the March 25, 1971 edition of The Monroe Journal. He also helped organize the Monroe County Museum and Historical Society and was also a past president of that organization. He is buried in Pineville Cemetery in Monroeville. The column above and all of Singleton’s other columns are available to the public through the microfilm records at the Monroe County Public Library in Monroeville. Singleton’s columns are presented here each week for research and scholarship purposes and as part of an effort to keep his work and memory alive.)