Singleton ponders the many slang terms used around the coffee shop

(For decades, local historian and paranormal investigator George “Buster” Singleton published a weekly newspaper column called “Somewhere in Time.” The column below, which was titled “Only city slickers say ‘Only in the deep south…” was originally published in the Sept. 20, 2001 edition of The Monroe Journal in Monroeville, Ala.)

As I sit around the various coffee shops in the early hours of the morning, I never cease to be amazed to hear the various phrases and words used when some of the heavy coffee drinkers are asked by the waitress if they want more coffee.

I have been to three state fairs and four goat ropings, and I am yet to know what measurements these words represent.

I’m sure by now those of you who read this column know that I was born in the country. Make no bones about it, I was born a country boy. During my early lifetime, I thought that I had heard all the definitions pertaining to country measurements. But as I grow older, I realize that I have missed some. In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain (if I can) some of these.

Just a few days ago as I sat listening to the latest news and local happenings and enjoying my morning coffee, I overheard these words. As the nice lady came around with the coffee pot and was asking if anyone wanted a refill, this one fellow said he wanted just a “tad.” How would one go about measuring a “tad”?

Then, a day or two later, I heard a fellow requesting he be poured about “two fingers” of coffee in his cup. Amazed, I found myself wondering how this nice lady was going to pour “two fingers” in the customer’s coffee cup. But then, I’ve already admitted, I don’t know everything.

During that same morning, I heard a request for a “touch” of coffee. If I’m correct, a “touch” would be very little coffee. That amount would hardly be enough to wet a postage stamp. Perhaps this was his intention; rather than lick the stamp, he was going to use that “touch” of coffee.

Hardly had I gotten my wits together when I heard these words from an elderly gentleman when he was asked if he wanted a refill. “Just enough to wet my whistle” was his answer. Now, how in the cat hair would this nice lady know how much coffee it would take to “wet his whistle”?

I won’t call names, but one lady in the coffee shop, when asked if she wanted more coffee, raised her little finger and measured with her thumb and requested “just a teeny little bit.” Judging from the size of the end of her little finger, this wasn’t going to be much coffee either.

Then, there was this one who spoke out as she raised her coffee cup above the head of the lady who sat next to her. “Just enough to wet my tongue.” Judging on how much she talked when together there with the morning coffee drinking crowd, this could take a considerable amount.

Then, there was this request for “just a half teaspoon full.” Why would anyone want their coffee measured in a “half teaspoon” when they could measure it in the spoon that was given to them to stir their coffee with?

I guess the word “smidgen” can apply in the measurement of coffee, sugar and maybe even cream. When this gentleman was asked if he wanted more coffee, he raised his coffee cup above and placed his finger half way up the cup and requested a “smidgen.” When using this word, this could shorten the use of words, such as requested “a half of a cup.”

All one would have to say would be “smidgen.”

It takes some time to get used to some of these measurements. I overheard a fellow ask his companion that sat in the booth with him if he would like some cream in his coffee; the answer was “just a squirt.” I didn’t want to appear rude, but I sure wanted to see just how much a “squirt” really was. But, I pretended to mind my own business and missed the measuring.

Sugar, for some of these coffee drinkers, is measured often times by a “taste.” Once again, I’ve tried to look over some shoulders and see for myself how much a “taste” really was, but so far, I haven’t been able to come up with any kind of measurement. The word “pinch” can cover quite a lot when requesting a bit of measurement such as a pinch of sugar, a pinch of salt or perhaps a pinch of jelly or jam. I’ve never tried it, but I’ll bet a pinch of jelly or jam could be quite messy.

Requesting napkins can also bring on strange words when asked by some. I’ve yet to know just how many napkins are in a “wad.” Phrases like “hand me a wad of them napkins if you don’t mind.” Or perhaps “hand me a couple or three of them white things so I can wipe this mess of coffee up that I spilled on my britches leg.” “My wife will skin my hide if I come home with these coffee stains on my good britches.”

Many times, when asked by the nice waitress if the coffee is good, one might hear these as answers. “This coffee is so strong it’ll curve your toenails.” Or perhaps, “this coffee is so strong it can stand alone, or grow hair on your chest.” Or, if these judges of the coffee think it’s weak, one might hear, “this coffee is so weak, it’s laying flat in the bottom of the cup.” Then there is that coffee is so weak, they can see the bottom of the cup through it.

In writing this article, I mean no disrespect to anyone. These people that I write about are fine, upstanding people. They are men and women who work hard to earn a living; they ask for nothing. They are those who will go the extra mile to help someone who is in trouble. They are the backbone of our land. They are the men and women of our beloved Southland. Need I say more?

(Singleton, the author of the 1991 book “Of Foxfire and Phantom Soldiers,” passed away at the age of 79 on July 19, 2007. A longtime resident of Monroeville, he was born to Vincent William Singleton and Frances Cornelia Faile Singleton, during a late-night thunderstorm, on Dec. 14, 1927 in Marengo County, graduated from Sweet Water High School in 1946, served as a U.S. Marine paratrooper in the Korean War, worked as a riverboat deckhand, lived for a time among Apache Indians, moved to Monroe County on June 28, 1964 and served as the administrator of the Monroeville National Guard unit from June 28, 1964 to Dec. 14, 1987. He was promoted from the enlisted ranks to warrant officer in May 1972. For years, Singleton’s columns, titled “Monroe County history – Did you know?” and “Somewhere in Time” appeared in The Monroe Journal, and he wrote a lengthy series of articles about Monroe County that appeared in Alabama Life magazine. It’s believed that his first column appeared in the March 25, 1971 edition of The Monroe Journal. He is buried in Pineville Cemetery in Monroeville. The column above and all of Singleton’s other columns are available to the public through the microfilm records at the Monroe County Public Library in Monroeville. Singleton’s columns are presented here each week for research and scholarship purposes and as part of an effort to keep his work and memory alive.)