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| George Buster Singleton |
(For decades, local historian and paranormal investigator
George “Buster” Singleton published a weekly newspaper column called “Somewhere
in Time.” The column below, which was titled “Impending nuptials make Fishue
ponder honesty” was originally published in the May 28, 1992 edition of The
Monroe Journal in Monroeville, Ala.)
My good friend Fonderoy Fishue is approaching a rather
serious time. His cousin, Beauregard Bentwigg, has come to see him, and during
his visit has met Fonderoy’s sister-in-law, Gussie Lou.
It seems that the sounds of wedding bells are growing louder
in the closing days of May. As the month of June approaches, Fonderoy is having
serious thoughts about telling his cousin of the shortcomings of Gussie Lou.
He decided to write his cousin, not to tell him of these
faults or shortcomings, but to ask him if he knows about them; this is the
letter. Fonderoy decided to handle this matter with kid gloves so as not to
make anyone mad.
My Dear Cousin Beauregard:
I take pen in glove to let you know that I have heard some
window-rattling information from my darling wife, Augusta Jill, that her fat
sister, Gussie Lou, is doing some sewing.
What I would like to know, is all this sewing on what I have
heard it was on? Cousin Beauregard, I would have thought that you would have
talked to me about such a serious matter. My being married to Augusta Jill has
given me a great amount of insight on this life and behavior of Gussie Lou.
I thought you was acting kinda funny when you was last here.
I noticed that every time you got close to Gussie Lou, them goose pimples
showed up on your neck and face. Don’t forget that I have been around in my
day, and I can tell when a man is in love. I have been to three state fairs and
two goat ropings and I have never seen such acts as Gussie Lou and Augusta Jill
is putting on nowadays.
Just yesterday, I found a list that them two big sisters had
made up about some of the things they was going to do at the rehearsal dinner.
Gussie Lou thinks that you and her should arm wrestle and let this decide just
who would be the boss after the wedding was over.
Now, I’m not telling you what to do, Cousin Beauregard, but
the last man that Gussie Lou arm wrestled with is still suffering from a
twisted arm. (That was the man she was engaged to the last time.) Again, it’s
none of my business, but I think I would try to suggest something else. Also,
might be worthwhile to mention, that poor fellow runs when he sees Gussie Lou
(can’t say as I blame him).
There was the usual things on the list that she wanted to
do. Such things like a foot race between the two of you and a hog-calling
contest. She also wanted to see who could hold the other up over their head the
longest.
I believe I would try to get out of this contest also. You
might be strong, Cousin Beauregard, but I know this can never happen; that
would be like a game rooster trying to lift up a small elephant. (I thought I
would mention some of these things just so you would kinda know what to
expect).
She also wanted to see which of you could eat the most food
in the shortest period of time. Again, I am not telling you what to do, but I believe
I would try to get out of this one also. I know for a fact, that big woman can
hide some groceries. (I’m married to her sister, and I know how she can eat.)
This list mentioned something about the two of you wearing
them new-fangled running shoes to the rehearsal dinner. That’s them new kind of
shoes that you can pump up. Might give this some thought too, Cousin
Beauregard. Them running shoes costs almost $100 a pair. (Might just want to
come to the supper barefoot. Just a thought on saving you some money.)
I remember that last time you got engaged, Cousin
Beauregard, when your bride-to-be ran off with that magician from New Orleans.
You swore that you was going to join them French Foreign Legion folks. Again, I
don’t want to put any ideas in your head, but if it was me, I would be trying
to find out where their recruiting office was.
The fact is that you would be in less danger fighting them
Arabs, than you would be meeting Gussie Lou eye to eye after you have backed
out of the wedding. (I thought about joining that Foreign Legion one time, but
I guess I’m getting too old now.)
I hope I have been some help to you, Cousin Beauregard, I
can’t tell you what to do; only time will tell. The month of June is fast
approaching; the time for marrying is at hand. If I can help you, let me know.
That is, if you don’t forget and tell Gussie Lou about this letter. She would
go straight to my fat wife, Augusta Jill. I can’t let that happen; I would get
more than a twisted arm if she found out
that I was trying to talk you out of marrying Gussie Lou.
Your helpful cousin,
Fonderoy Fishue
P.S. I’ve got a confession to make. I slipped and read some
of them letters that you wrote to Gussie Lou. You ought to be ashamed writing
that big woman and telling her all them promises that you made to her. I was
thinking of some way that I might help you get out of this, but after all that
sugar and spice that was in them letters, I think I’m wasting my time.
(Singleton, the author
of the 1991 book “Of Foxfire and Phantom Soldiers,” passed away at the age of
79 on July 19, 2007. A longtime resident of Monroeville, he was born on Dec.
14, 1927 in Marengo County, graduated from Sweet Water High School, served in
the Korean War, lived for a time among Apache Indians, moved to Monroe County
in June 1964 (some sources say 1961) and served as the administrator of the
Monroeville National Guard unit from 1964 to 1987. For years, Singleton’s
column “Somewhere in Time” appeared in The Monroe Journal, and he wrote a
lengthy series of articles about Monroe County that appeared in Alabama Life
magazine. Some of his earlier columns also appeared under the heading of
“Monroe County History: Did You Know?” He is buried in Pineville Cemetery in
Monroeville. The column above and all of Singleton’s other columns are
available to the public through the microfilm records at the Monroe County
Public Library in Monroeville. Singleton’s columns are presented here each week
for research and scholarship purposes and as part of an effort to keep his work
and memory alive.)
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