George Singleton recounts Fonderoy Fishue's tax questions for Uncle Sam

Fonderoy Fishue writes Uncle Sam, pictured above.

(For decades, local historian and paranormal investigator George “Buster” Singleton published a weekly newspaper column called “Somewhere in Time.” The column below, which was titled “Income tax deductions can be problem for ‘just a country boy’” was originally published in the Jan. 5, 1989 edition of The Monroe Journal in Monroeville, Ala.)

Most people really don’t know just how lucky they are when it comes time each year to begin to gather information and ponder each item as to whether it can be on your annual tax return.

A letter was written by a fellow I know to the federal government, requesting information on a couple of items that are questionable as to whether they are deductible and can be used it his annual tax return. Here is the letter:

Dear Uncle Sam,

I take pen in hand and sit down to write you about some items that disturb me about my taxes. If for some reason you can’t answer these questions that I’m asking, please give this letter to someone who can – like the man who is over all the taxes, or someone like that.

First, I would like to know if I can count Ole Blue as one of my dependents this year on my tax return.

Since you probably don’t know, Ole Blue is my favorite coon dog. He is just like one of my chillun. He goes with me everywhere I go. He rides right beside me everywhere I go. He rides right beside me in my pickup truck when I go to town.

My wife says that I think more of Ole Blue than I do of her. You don’t have to mention anything about it, but if it came down to a vote between the two of them, I’ll tell you for sure that the vote would be close.

I have spent so much money on Ole Blue, like buying him one of them new-fangled televisions. Uncle Sam, you won’t believe what Ole Blue’s favorite programs are. I thought maybe I could charge the cost of the television off as education expense.

To be truthful with you, Uncle Sam, its got so bad around the house about which program is gonna be watched (my wife and Ole Blue seems to have a personality conflict) that I wish sometimes I hadn’t bought the darn thing; they get along something awful.

Then there’s the money that I gave my wife’s brother to leave town on. Uncle Sam, that boy will steal anything except something to work with.

Would you believe he stole a pair of overalls off a fellow’s clothes line? And that’s not all he took. He also took a corset that must have belonged to the man’s wife. That must be some big woman, because that crazy boy laced that big corset around the backside of my best plow mule. Would you believe that corset almost went around the mule twice?

I didn’t mind that too much, but the thing that really did upset me and got my system out of order was that that crazy brother-in-law put them small overalls on Ole Blue. That darn dog walked right in the house with them overalls on just like he had been wearing them all along.

Would you believe that Ole Blue wouldn’t let me take them overalls off him? That crazy dog tried to bite me twice. That’s the truth. I had to hide the television set in the barn before Ole Blue would let me take them overalls off him.

My wife got mad with me when I hid the television and hasn’t spoken two words to me since. She claimed that she missed some of her favorite operas; sounded like they had something to do with some kind of soap or something like that. I never did really understand why she got so mad.

The money that I mentioned earlier, Uncle Sam, I thought by giving some money to that crazy boy, he would go over in Conecuh County and visit his cousin and stay with him awhile until all the trouble blowed over about the overalls and that big corset.

Uncle Sam, I told that boy (my wife’s brother) that I would give him the money on two conditions.

First, he would have to catch that stupid mule and take that big corset off him. (Seems like that darn mule likes wearing that corset as much as Ole Blue liked wearing them overalls.) Second, he would have to find me another good coon dog that didn’t like to wear overalls.

Uncle Sam, please let me know just as soon as you can if you will let me use them two expenses as deductions. I like to send my tax return in as early as I can, I think this is the patriotic thing to do. You can ask anybody; I do try to be patriotic.

Yours very truly,

Fonderoy Fishue

P.S. My favorite sport of coon hunting has come to a screeching halt; this hurts me deeply. If I can get some kind of deductions for the loss of my only form of entertainment, please let me know in your letter.

Ole Blue won’t hurt anymore because he won’t want to get his overalls dirty. And that lazy wife of mine told me just where to go when I asked her if she would wash and iron Ole Blue’s overalls. You won’t believe what that woman called me. She talked dirty, dirty.

Uncle Sam, you can see that it don’t take a smart man to see that I need all the help I can get.

(Singleton, the author of the 1991 book “Of Foxfire and Phantom Soldiers,” passed away at the age of 79 on July 19, 2007. A longtime resident of Monroeville, he was born to Vincent William Singleton and Frances Cornelia Faile Singleton, during a late-night thunderstorm, on Dec. 14, 1927 in Marengo County, graduated from Sweet Water High School in 1946, served as a U.S. Marine paratrooper in the Korean War, worked as a riverboat deckhand, lived for a time among Apache Indians, moved to Monroe County on June 28, 1964 and served as the administrator of the Monroeville National Guard unit from June 28, 1964 to Dec. 14, 1987. He was promoted from the enlisted ranks to warrant officer in May 1972. For years, Singleton’s columns, titled “Monroe County history – Did you know?” and “Somewhere in Time” appeared in The Monroe Journal, and he wrote a lengthy series of articles about Monroe County that appeared in Alabama Life magazine. It’s believed that his first column appeared in the March 25, 1971 edition of The Monroe Journal. He is buried in Pineville Cemetery in Monroeville. The column above and all of Singleton’s other columns are available to the public through the microfilm records at the Monroe County Public Library in Monroeville. Singleton’s columns are presented here each week for research and scholarship purposes and as part of an effort to keep his work and memory alive.)