(For decades, local historian and paranormal investigator
George “Buster” Singleton published a weekly newspaper column called “Somewhere
in Time.” The column below, which was titled “Southern talk – country style”
was originally published in the April 2, 1998 edition of The Monroe Journal in
Monroeville, Ala.)
As I sit around the various coffee shops in the early hours
of the morning, I am ceased to be amazed to hear the various phrases and words
used when some of the heavy coffee drinkers are asked by the waitress if they
want more coffee. I have been to three state fairs and four goat ropings, and I
am yet to know just how much are some of these words when converted into a
measurement of sorts.
I’m sure by now those of you who read this column know that
I was born in the country. Make no bones about it, I was born a country boy.
During my early lifetime, I thought that I had heard all the definitions pertaining
to country measurements. But, as I grow older, I realize that I have missed
some. In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain (if I can) some of these.
Just a few days ago as I sat there in the coffee shop
listening to the latest news and local happenings and enjoying my morning
coffee, I overheard these words. As the nice lady came around with the coffee
pot and was asking if anyone wanted a refill, this one fellow said he wanted
just a “tad.” How would one go about measuring a “tad”? Then, a day or two later,
a fellow requested he be poured about “two fingers” of coffee in his cup.
Amazed, I found myself wondering how this nice lady was going to pour “two
fingers” in the customer’s coffee cup. But then, I’ve already admitted, I don’t
know everything.
During that same morning, I heard a request for a “touch” of
coffee. If I’m correct, a “touch” would be very little coffee. That amount
would hardly be enough to wet a postage stamp. Perhaps this was his intentions,
rather than lick the stamp, he was going to use that “touch” of coffee. Hardly
had I got my wits together when I heard these words from an elderly gentleman
when asked if he wanted a refill. “Just enough to wet my whistle” was his
answer. Now, how in the cat hair would this nice lady know how much coffee it
would take to “wet his whistle”?
I won’t call names, but one lady in the coffee shop, when
asked if she wanted more coffee, raised her little finger and measured with her
thumb and requested “just a teeny bit.” Judging from the size of the end of her
little finger, this wasn’t going to be much coffee either. Then there was this
one who spoke out as she raised her coffee cup above the head of the lady who
sat next to her. “Just enough to wet my tongue.” Judging on how much she talked
when together there with the morning coffee drinking crowd, this could take a
considerable amount.
Then, there was this request for “just a half teaspoon full.”
Why would anyone want their coffee measured in a “half teaspoon” when they
could measure it in the whole spoon that was given to them to stir their coffee
with? I guess the word “smidgen” can apply in the measurement of coffee, sugar
and maybe even cream. When this gentleman was asked if he wanted more coffee, he
raised his coffee cup above and placed his finger half way of the cup and requested
a “smidgen.” When using this word, this could shorten the use of words, such as
requesting “half a cup.” All one would have to say would be “smidgen.”
It takes some time to get used to some of these
measurements. I overheard a fellow ask his companion that sat in the booth with
him if he would like some cream in his coffee. The answer was “just a squirt.”
I didn’t want to appear rude, but I sure wanted to see just how much a “squirt”
really was. But, I pretended to mind my own business and missed the measuring
completely.
Sugar for some of these coffee drinkers is measured often
times by a “taste.” Once again, I’ve tried to look over some shoulders and see
for myself how much a “taste” really was. But so far, I haven’t been able to
come up with any kind of measurement. And, the word “pinch” can cover quite a
lot when requesting a bit of measurement such as a pinch of sugar, a pinch of
salt, or perhaps a pinch of jelly or jam. I’ve never tried it, but I’ll bet a “pinch”
of jelly or jam could be quite messy.
Requesting napkins can also bring on strange words when
asked by some. I’ve yet to know just how many napkins are in a “wad.” Phrases
like, “hand me a wad of them napkins if you don’t mind.” Or perhaps, “hand me a
couple or three of them white things so I can wipe this mess of coffee up that
I spilled on my britches leg. My wife will skin my hide if I come home with
these coffee stains on my good britches.”
Many times when asked by the nice waitress if the coffee is
good, one might hear these as answers. “This coffee is so strong it’ll curve
your toe nails.” Or perhaps “this coffee is so strong it can stand alone, or
grow hair on your chest.”
Or, if these judges of the coffee think it’s weak, one might
hear, “this coffee is so weak, it’s laying flat in the bottom of the cup.” Then,
there is that coffee that is so weak, they can see the bottom of the cup
through it.
In writing this article, I mean no disrespect to anyone.
These people that I write about are fine, upstanding people. They are men and
women who work hard to earn a living; they ask for nothing. They are those who
will go that extra mile to help someone who is in trouble. They are the
backbone of our land. They are the men and women of our beloved South land.
Need I say more?
Very few places in our world today can one go and enjoy the
fun and fellowship that is to be found in the early morning gatherings in the
coffee shops of our country. Where else can one find the concern and respect
for those that are sick and disabled? Where else can one find out what the
weather is going to do without listening to the weather report? Those of use
that go to the coffee shops don’t have to pay for a newspaper or we could even
sell our televisions. All the news is right there for free. One only has to
listen. Whether one believes it or not, those of us who live in the South and
gather in the coffee shops for morning coffee are the more fortunate people.
So, if all goes well, one will probably find me in that
favorite coffee shop each morning, listening to the latest news and continuing
to wonder about all those strange measurements when it’s time for a second cup
of coffee or just a “smidgen” or a “tad” the second time around.
(Singleton, the author
of the 1991 book “Of Foxfire and Phantom Soldiers,” passed away at the age of
79 on July 19, 2007. A longtime
resident of Monroeville, he was born to Vincent William Singleton and Frances
Cornelia Faile Singleton, during a late-night thunderstorm, on Dec. 14, 1927 in
Marengo County, graduated from Sweet Water High School in 1946, served as a
U.S. Marine paratrooper in the Korean War, worked as a riverboat deckhand,
lived for a time among Apache Indians, moved to Monroe County on June 28, 1964
and served as the administrator of the Monroeville National Guard unit from
June 28, 1964 to Dec. 14, 1987. He was promoted from the enlisted ranks
to warrant officer in May 1972. For years, Singleton’s columns, titled “Monroe
County history – Did you know?” and “Somewhere in Time” appeared in The Monroe
Journal, and he wrote a lengthy series of articles about Monroe County that
appeared in Alabama Life magazine. It’s believed that his first column appeared
in the March 25, 1971 edition of The Monroe Journal. He is buried in Pineville
Cemetery in Monroeville. The column above and all of Singleton’s other columns
are available to the public through the microfilm records at the Monroe County
Public Library in Monroeville. Singleton’s columns are presented here each week
for research and scholarship purposes and as part of an effort to keep his work
and memory alive.)
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